SadNess

To know that you are sad is indeed a non-worthy privilege. When I see myself in mirror sometimes , I can feel that there is something missing. I don't know what is the exact emptiness I'm feeling. When 'I' the person who always know what's up with myself don't even know what's going on right now, then I have no place to turn to. I am indeed at lost. I am living and breathing but I am not LIVING. I am like a walking dead corpse. Even zombies have more colour on their cheeks. Mine are pale as ever. Even if you slap it 20 times over , it would still be pale. Asking me whether is that possible, well , you know the answer, FOOLS !


            Sometimes I wonder, can I really continue on living like this ? Or should I just give up and be a teenager without knowing her purpose of life? I'm at a junction which I can't just make a U-turn and find another road that I actually know of. There 'ya go everybody , that's LIFE. If I'd known sooner, I would just drop everything and change my life as much as I can. I'd actually do the bunjee jumping that I've always wanted to do , ACTUALLY GO and have a LIFE! I've been wasting my life too much planning my future and my LIFE that I actually failed to execute any of it. FAILURE keeps procrastinating in my little useless head. (at this point I actually sounded more depressed than a HOBO) 
            Watching others that really can achieve success in their lives really makes me think , I don't want to be like them. I've always though that my life is meant to be for something that is not as trivial as going to work everyday because we have bills to pay. That is seriously killing me. I am so messed up. I can't think of anything to do. I'm stuck!

Yea ! I was betrayed and abandoned ! I'm all alone now no matter what I do ! I keep asking people around me , what have I done that makes you people look at me as a disgusting thing that crawls out of a dungeon or something!? 


         Is it possible that I might sink even deeper? I am not scared actually , I would let myself to sink , I think that would actually makes my world better. I wish that is as easy as it sounds. I would love it if I were to sink . :(

This is what I look like most of the time. HUH!! Too depressed. If only I were as pretty as the girl in the pic, tho it's a cartoon sketch. Maybe that would attract too much attention. I really would rather spend my time more alone than others. I feel that other people just don't get me or my passion for the things that I love. It's hard or as others says it , I am too choosy, I just don't get easily satisfied with anyone or anything. I don't know.

I wish that this is me. Strong and tough. Brilliant and bold. Holding a sword as her weapon. Pretty and scary at the same time. But I'm not. I couldn't look more fragile and as cold as ever. HUH! However I try to be as strong and tough as ever, IT never appear as it is. I would just get depressed more. Any ADVICE ?
I need it !


Really at the junction where I'm stuck at. The road I need to choose.