I Wished It Was Just A Dream.

At exactly 5.19 pm, someone knocked my door. I heard they come into my room but I just ignore them cause I thought that maybe I'm in trouble again for something. Never I would expect that a bad news would be given to me.


Touching my shoulder, trying to wake me up from my deep slumber. I  feel that hand on my shoulder, my heart screams, get out! The words that I expect to come out from her mouth turned out to be totally different. She asked, "Why didn't you pick up your phone?" I answered, "I'm not feeling so well today, so I skipped a class today and went back to my room and just slammed myself on the bed. Why?" She told me to call my mom. I guess she doesn't have the heart to just tell me.


When I called my mom, her voice was different but amazingly I could not detect anything wrong in her voice. Maybe it was because I just woke up from sleep. I can't even think straight. She said, " Your father's gone." I can feel my heart pumping so fast. Hot, fresh tears flowed down my right cheek. I thought I was dreaming. I thought it was just a prank. I kept screaming at my mom, "You're lying. No, you're lying!" I just can't believe my ears. 


From that moment, I kept wishing that when I reach home, it was just a prank and it was just a dream. But the truth will always be that he's no longer around, alive. What could I do? Nothing. I couldn't even spend time with him. And my mom kept saying he died alone. Alone. I haven't seen him in a month and I only saw him last on that day. He said to me he misses me and wanted to take me out to dinner. But I didn't turn around cause I really need to go back to college. My heart told me to turn around but I didn't. I kept wishing  to turn back time so that I would turn around and see his face once again. That's all I ask for. But I can't have it. He's gone and he's not coming back. I kept blaming myself for not turning around.


I just kept wishing it didn't happened. I just wish that I could be by his side at that moment.  If there was a world with him in it, I would gladly go to it. Event though that it's not real. Cause a world without my dad is just a world without me. I planned for us to stay together in a house.


Still, I still feel that He's not gone. That he's around. It felt like it was just a dream. How I wish it was true. just a dream. I cried until my heart that cry no more. I felt as if the world isn't mine to live in anymore. I wanted to hear his voice again. My heart aches so much that I feel that if I was hit by a car right now, i wouldn't feel a thing. I want my dad back! That's all I ask. I just want to see him smiling, him laughing again. 


You know, every time I passed through his room, I saw him there calling me to go eat. Every time I went downstairs, I saw in at the dinner table, asking me if I had eaten. Every time I went to the living room, I saw him on the couch, laying down and smoking while asking me if I wanted to go out and eat. But now he's gone forever.




I wish it was all just a dream.

Thus, I say to you.

*sigh. *sigh. *sigh. Long last *sigh. It has been totally chaotic these days, I tell you. Yea. Too damn much assignments piling up last week, but at least it's all finished now. Glad to that. And still another freaking bad news is, I don't get too spend my first Ramadhan with my lovely, freaky family. Sighing again. I just can't believe it that they don't give us a break. I mean, come ON! It's the first day of Ramadhan dang it! We do wanna spend it with our loved ones. That day is so special to us. *yea yea, finally realize that.* That reminds me of the lyrics of Haru Haru by Big Bang. *Finally I realized that I'm nothing without you. I was wrong, forgive me.* It kinda suits the whole frustrated situation, dontcha think? Ok, ok. Back to the point. My first sahur however will be spent with my family, so I guess it's enough, huh? I'm thankful for that. Really. 


Second, thinking that other assignments will be piling up these coming weeks totally stressed me out. Hmm. Just thinking that this is just the beginning. What about next year? It's degree then. I'm scared shitless, not gonna pretend here. Totally scared shitless. I just hope I can get through this without actually bleeding myself to death, if you know what I mean? *wink wink. Just joking. I'm not that jell-o. Don't worry, be happy. That reminds me of my day today. I went to Seoul Garden today. I met this woman who sings loudly, Don't worry  Be.....Happy! LOL. She is so funny and so cool. yeah. Ain't giving a shit about what people think about that really hits me you know. 


Third, I just read this novels at WattPad. Do check it out if you haven't. Here's the link. WATTPAD
The title is, The Way He's Not. And guess what? It's totally awesome fellas!! Wohooo. Do check it. It's one of my favourites and I love it, so damn much. This is the summary.

Bad boys are unreliable, uncaring, arrogant, immature, disrespectful players with no care for laws, rules, guidelines or girls’ feelings, according to Jacey Collins. Good girls are condescending, conceited, stuck-up, vain b*****s who stay inside the boundaries and don’t know how to live life, according to Colton Shaw. So what happens when you put Jacey Collins, a good girl, with Colton Shaw, a bad boy in the same house for a year? Parties, alcohol, secret relationships, betrayal, fights, heart break, break-ups, hook-ups, one-night-stands, pain, tears, anger, revenge-seeking-enemies, and I'm only getting started.
Credit to BeautifulFighter from Wattpad.


So basically it's a story of a good girl between a bad boy. Like the sound of it yet? Try reading it. It will get you hooked up till the end and it even haven't ended yet. The controversy, gossips, love stories unlike the classics one. The bad boy who's not romantic in a classic way. It just makes you wanna read and keep reading till you bleed! So please read it since it really is a good story. Oh yea. WARNING!! If you are not 18 and over, please do not read it and plus if you are too damn innocent, do not read it either. Because it's for someone who's bored of classic fairy tale kinda romance. but it is a romance. Check, a'ite?




Fourth, Next novel, also from Wattpad, is.....Carry Me Home Tonight. It's kinda boring at first but it gets better. It's very romantic and sappy but I have to warn you, it's kind of weird and scary a little. But you should really read it. It's a very good romance and can take you to the La La Land and not ever wanting to come back. That's a good thing, right? Here's the summary.....

He crumbled into my arms as the tears fell from his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him as his body convulsed and shook with the fear that was inside of him. I ran my hands through his hair trying to lull him to happiness, as I rocked his body back and forth. I held onto him tighter trying to make all the bad dreams go away, and it was in that moment I realized my feelings for him. He gazed up at me as his glowing hazel eyes met mine, the tears glinting in the glow of the lamp. A sudden wave of uncomfortableness crashed down on him and he pulled away from me and sat up quickly. “You must think I am a wimp.” He said as he brushed the tears away from his face roughly and running an anxious hand through his hair. I shook my head, “Of course not!” I told him truthfully. I finally know what he has been keeping inside all this time, why his mother acts like he doesn’t exist…because of a mistake. Granted it was a big one, but still…. He moved closer to me, his body back up against mine as butterflies erupted in my stomach making me bite my lip. His arms snaked around my waist pulling me closer to him so I was now straddling his lap. He ran his hands through my hair and down my back as a shiver flew through me, “Do you still love me?” he asked simply. I wanted to say no, to not have feelings for this man, but I couldn’t help it. They were here and I knew they were here to stay. So I just nodded, his eyes still locked with mine. And that is when he grabbed my face with his two hands and kissed me like I have never been kissed before.




Pretty good huh? Check it, alright guys. So that's it I guess. TaTa For now!!! :))

SEoul Garden Babyh!!!

I just have to say something. You are A F****** KID!!! Stop freaking acting like you're me. The hell are 'ya trying to do? Stay on my level? Well, kid, nobody's on my level. Not even my friends. I stay in my little world and I like it like that. And you're just a small, Freaking little kid. Do not try to hover around the idea that I would be fckg interested in you. You are a damn kid, buddy. Just a kid.

When people compliments me, all I hear is criticism.
When they say I'm cool in my way, all I hear I need improvement.
When they say I'm good in E, all I hear is I need to try harder.
When they say they envy me, all I hear is that I envy them.


How can you say you envy me when I am still trying to figure out life as it is?
It is still a mystery to me and I still haven't figured it out for most.
I am still me, imperfect me.
Still needs learning, still needs experiences.
Still experimenting, still trying to understand the courses of life.


I am just me, a 19 years old girl.
Living the life according to what I feel.
Still don't know what life is all about.
What people are all about.
Don't envy me when I am still lost.
Envy those people who are on the right track and do not stray from it.
Envy those people who are strong and have decisive attitude.
Envy those people who has the answer to everything. 

RAMADHAN.....

A beautiful month along with the month of cleansing....
Can't wait....
Please come faster.....