Crushed

Orang yang aku suka, orang yang aku sayang, orang yang paling tinggi aku taruh harapan padanya telah pun ada orang lain yang bertakhta di hatinya. Wah. Senang ye untuk kita disakiti. Kecewa? Ada jugak? Sebab pada dia aku menaruh harapan, pada dia aku lihat masa depan aku. Di mana lagi hendak harus ku letakkan harapan? Pada siapa lagi untuk aku jadikan dunia aku? Di sini telah ternyata, yang dia bukan lagi dengan aku.


:((( Sadness is not something we asked for, but something that would teach us to be strong.


Salam.

Not For Me

I think this course is not for me. But giving up right now isn't the right choice either. I'm gonna be here for only a year so I might wanna reconsider and try my hardest to study and actually learn something other than what I've been learning all these times. Well, NO, IIE, I ain't giving up cause I haven't done my best.

So...Wish me LUCK would ya'???

SAYOONARA!!!!

Aku Punya Hal

Aduhaii...Assignment nak kata banyak tak lah sangat kan tapi susah KOTT. And yang paling SIGNIFICANT sekali adalah ASHITA!!! TOMORROW!!! ESOK!!! Ade kuiz derr. Mengapa? Kenapa? Dooshte?? Why? aku memang suka bab bab mengtensionkan otak aku yang sedia sentiasa sSTERES inih. Kann? Tak lah susah kan but....aku tak suka lah bab bab kena study last last min nih. Nyusahkan tahu tak?? Hehe. Sebenarnya aku lupa yang esok ade kuiz, sebab tuh tak study awal awal. Derkk. Padan muka, kan? YOU DESERVE IT!!! Muahahaha!!! (tukar jadi monster kaler pepel dah disebabkan seteres yang melampau) Agaklah kan? Iklan sebentar. Hakahaks. Tak der lah, aku ni bab bab kena study memang lah lembap sikit sebabnye kan.....anooo...aku pemalas tahap dunia, tahap cipan alam sekalian! ROSAK! Tu lah kan, macam mana aku boleh dapat kos LAW nih kan? Bengap tol lah. Kan? 


Hurmm. kena ubahlah perangai yang memang tak boleh nak guna nih. Bagaikan kata kata hikmat dari ibuku, Tak Guna Seduit! Bila lah aku nak ubah ye? Entahlah, tapi nak cuba dari sekarang tapi sekarang pun aku bukannya menelaah buku, contrary to that, I am studying the culture of FaceBook and Twitter and how it effects our daily life. Thesis yang sememangnya takder kena mengena dengan aku punya kos sekarang. Memang terbaeeklah thesis aku kan? Ha, mite mite. Tengok tengok. Bab bab tuh aku pandai pulak. Aduish. pelik benor lah. Ah sudah lah. Aku nak sambung merosakkan otak aku dengan lebih efficient and further...


Ja ne! Salam. :D

I think I'm crazy....??

The title already seems crazy. T.T. Of course it would mean that I'm a bit crazed since DOT DOT DOT. I don't know what to do. What to say. How to act. TUP. The End.

Now, now. I'm just kidding. Seriously, I think I am crazy, for real. Why? Well, I think I'm in love but there's not a single person I'm in love with. I think I wanna be in love but we all know that it's not possible. Like EVER! So, the conclusion is, I AM CRAZY. Macam mana mau bikin. Entahlah derr. I can't figure it out this time. If I'm in love with YamaPi, then it would mean I'm at the bottom of all the bottoms that ever existed in this world. Majorly, enough said. Am I bored? Maybe. But I do wanna be in love. I do! Damn girl, don't you have anything else that you can do? I would but then my heart is in so much chaos that I can't fix it. I can't be in love with someone I've never met and never even got to know. So, I'm doomed for EVA! I met this really cute guy at my college, he was the ultimate kakkoi and kawaii otoko. Majorly. Ain't lying. Of course a naturalistic girl like me would fall for him. Like duhh. But then of course again a otoko like him would never even know that girls like us would ever existed. XDD. It's a frickin truth fact. Can't deny it. How I wish I would be with a guy like him. WOW. It's been ages since I talked about love this way. Is it ok for me to act like this? IS IT? Well, whatever it is, I've gotta get over it pronto. Or I'll never be sane ever again. Ja ne. Love ya'!

Wakaranai yo....

Just like my title, I'm still stating the same thing. Wakaranai yo. I don't understand, I don't know. Truly. What I'm feeling right now is very strange. Eager to be in love? Am I crazy or stupid? BAKAYARO! I really don't understand this feeling. Been trying to figure it out since forever but I came to a conclusion of no answer. How did the feeling was triggered? How did I become to this girl? Has the world been this terrible? No fun? No happiness? All those unanswered questions still linger in my mind. I feel like my heart is about to burst. I feel so lonely and fed up but there's nothing I could ever possibly do. Why's that? I feel like crying but I won't cry. I feel like breaking but I can't. What happened to me? To my heart? Was I ever this lonely and unhappy? What is so wrong right now? Every time I play the song, Loveless by YamaPi or his real name, Yamashita Tomohisa, I know that is the perfect song to describe me. LOVELESS. Not necessarily means between a guy and a girl but also in my heart. I lost the ability to truly love. I feel so empty.....Nande desu ka? 

My Real Dream

My dream has always been the only to pursue a career in music by playing the piano or any other instrument. I love music so much. It gives a life to live without ever having to be dissapointed at all. Having being forced to abandon it almost kill me twice. I cried for two whole weeks when that happened and I still am crying when ever I see or hear people plays piano. I wonder why am I so in love with the music. I wasn't born as a pianist so that dream was never mine to achieve. I never dared telling my mom the truth about wanting to pursue a career in music. I never even had the idea of telling her or my father the truth. I know they wouldn't agree with it. And I know I can't succeed in it anyways. It's too damn late. Accepting the fate that I have to abandon my love, my heart was the hardest thing I have to do ever in my pathetic life. I changed it into being a lawyer or some what. I took law as my study because I couldn't think of anything else that I might do to replace my abandoned dream. My heart is at ease a bit. I stayed away from piano and from ever hearing the music. I can't take it. I feel like I'm dying. I wish I could pursue my studied in music. I really want that. I'd do anything to have it.

Why Is It So Painful?

Why is it so painful to bear. I envy people who has the talent and time and has been given the chance to completely commit their lives only to music. I wasn't given that same chance. Truth be told, my heart is aching every time the thought of my dream could never be pursued and the sound of piano came to my hearing. I just feel like running away from reality and escape into the fake reality where I'm a great pianist and I only have to play the music that I seem to longed all these times. Why is it so hard? I could never question FATE as it always has plan for me. Allah has given me the best for me. Maybe that path was never for me. And again, a WHY could never be a question. I kept all those feelings bottled up inside of me and I forced myself to erase all of the memories I have related to music and piano. I had to pretend that the music never interest me. But, it did not last, a song has to be heard, a piece from Ravel wake me from my reality bringing back all of those painful memories. I can't escape this time. But can I achieve the impossible in just few years? IMPOSSIBLE. is the key word. No one can understand the feeling I share with my music and my piano. Only people who are lucky enough to truly understand music can understand the mutual feeling of being forced to abandon your love, abandon your dream, abandon your life. Spending time with music is so much more than spending time with a lover. Once you lost it, it could never be found again. At least, that's what I feel. My heart is dying, trying to pretend it is not hurt. Pretending that I can bear with it all. Tears are overflowing, stopping it is fatal now. I just wanna go home. Meet my teacher again, hear him explaining again. But here I am, continuing my studies for the sake of everybody. Not me. I choose the life of music but my life choose the life of a lawyer. How ironic? Lawyers are serious and might not understand the meaning of abandoning music forever. How sadistic. But, I accept it in hoping that the life of music might be achieved by me someday.

Damn, Stressed Out

Serius aku cakap, I'm so frickin damn stressed. Nak kata cause of assignment not entirely true lah kann? Dengan seorang jenis manusia yang sememangnya hanya fikirkan him, himself and his damaged self fanatic brain. Teruk benor dah ni. Panggilan panjang siot. Aduh. Bengan tahap memang tak boleh nak ubati dah. Ha tengok. Kau punya karena lah ni. Sedar tak wahai manusia jenis selfish tak bertempat? Ubah la ye kalau boleh, takdenya aku nak suruh kau ubah dalam satu malam. Memang tempah nahas tahap alam lah jawabnya. Tapi cuba lah perlahan perlahan, slow pacing. Boleh? Ha. Kann manis begitu? Kann? Tahu lah aku ni junior kau je. Tak ada hak atau tahap yang mencukupi lagi untuk menegur or mengajar kau tapi ini untuk kebaikan semua dan terutamanya sekali untuk kebaikan diri kau sendiri. Serius lah aku tak nak benci kau ke, ade masalah dengan kau ke. Kita semua sama je, course yang sama, belajar yang sama, semua sama, takde beza. Tak elok pulak lah kan kita gaduh gaduh ke. Kalau ada yang tak puas hati sikit tu, datang je, bincang elok elok dengan aku. Aku faham lah. Bukannya aku ni bengap sangat. Tak perlu nak perli perli, takde maknanya. Tak elok macam tu kann? Aku pun dah tak tahu nak buat baik macam mana lagi dengan kau. Elok aku rasa kau dah ok and boleh join tetiba kau nak ungkit past yang dah berkarat kancing tuh. Agak lah kan? Aku bukannya ape, benda tu mendatangkan rasa sakit hati, tak senang kan? Kau bukannya jahil kan? Kau dah besar, pandai dari aku rasanya, tua dari aku pulak tu. Truth be told la kan, I'd expect you to guide us all not us trying to put up with your sometimes unacceptable nonsense. Professional la sikit. show some respect towards us. It ain't that hard, right? Kalau kau terasa, aku minta maaf lah, aku tak nak lah sakitkan hati sesiapa, terutama kau, ketua. Susah tahu tak. Tapi kalau dah sampai memang aku rasa malas nak kata pape dah, paham paham jelah, ye? So, fikir fikir kan lah wahai manusia yang sememangya dicipta untuk menjadi leader.

Peritnya Berjauhan

Perit berjauhan dari semua orang yang aku sayang dan rindu. Perit tak dapat nak tatap wajah mereka setiap hari seperti hari hari yang lalu. Perit membayangkan saat saat aku bersama mereka. Perit mengetahui yang aku berjauhan dari mereka. Perit tak dapat nak dengari lagi suara lantang mereka. Perit bila berjauhan dari orang yang aku sayang.


Berada di UiTM ni tak lah perit. Memang best di sini, aku tak nafikan. Tapi setiap kali terpancar wajah wajah keluarga aku, sedih melanda hati, pilu menjadi peneman. Betapa peritnya hati ini. Nak melangkah pulang ke sini , hanya Allah yang tahu betapa beratnya hati nak melangkah pulang. Bukan aku benci. Tidak sama sekali. Cuma takut peluang untuk berjumpa kembali dengan keluarga ku hilang begitu saja. Takut sangat aku. Takut tak bersebab. Semua itu ketentuan Allah, bukan aku, bukan sesiapa. Tapi tetap aku takutkan. Tetap aku risaukan. Peritnya ini tak seperit dugaan dugaan yang akan datang. Tapi demi wajah wajah yang aku terlalu rindui, aku lalui jugak dugaan ini, minta Allah tabahkan hati, kuatkan azam. Untuk mereka, aku sanggup lalui apa saja. Demi kebahagiaan mereka, aku mampu lakukan apa saja. Demi kesenangan mereka, aku tahu aku mesti mampu dan tabah untuk lakukan semua ini. 


Dugaan sementara, untuk kuatkan hati, kuatkan azam, tekunkan jiwa aku untuk terus berjuang tanpa pernah kalah. Aku jatuh, aku bangun semula, hanya demi masa depan dan janji aku pada diri aku untuk tidak pernah walau sesaat pun mengecewakan wajah wajah mereka yang selalu mengharapkan aku untuk membawa pulang sebuah kemenangan. Sekeping ijazah. Satu kejayaan. Ingin sungguh aku dengar, aku lihat, kegembiraan yang tidak berbelah bagi hanya kerana kejayaan aku. Itu impian aku. Hanya untuk keluarga aku. Aku senang lihat mereka senang, jadi aku letakkan mereka sebagai matlamat aku supaya suatu hari nanti, aku akan mampu pulang dengan senang hati.


Mak, ayah, kakak, Mimi. Tunggu ya. Akan ku pulang membawa hadiah.

MDS :: Minggu Destini Siswa di UiTM

   Pengalaman pertama aku di UiTM Sungai Petani, Kedah. First, memang tersangat lah seronok tak terhingga sehingga meletihkan jiwa dan raga aku yang tak seberapa nih. Kata kata hikmat dari aku lah kann? Terima je semuanya sebab semua tu ada hikmah disebalik segala galanya. Betul lah. Aku tak tipu, tahu la aku sentiasa merepek kan? Tapi bab bab ni aku tak akan menipu lah. Ambik kau.


    Hari pertama di UiTM:: Aku sampai di UiTM Sungai Petani pada pukul 11.30 pagi. Aku bertolak punya lah awal kan. Tup tup. Kete rosak, kipas enjin tak berjalan. hadoiii. Kenapalah masalah macam ni nak berlaku hari ni jugak kan? Hari lain tak boleh ke? Tapi aku sabar, fikirkan mungkin ade hikmah di sebalik semua dugaan Allah ni kann? So, aku dapat luangkan masa dengan Daddy aku yang tersayang. Maklumlah, jauh dia berada nak jumpa pun dah macam presiden negara dah. (hah. bohong sangat dah tuh. XDD) Memang aku rindukan ayah aku. Kan aku ni anak yang bongsu, yang paling manja and paling ngade ngade. Nyampah kan? 
So, aku sampai lewat dan plan aku nak dapatkan sebilik dengan kawan aku tuh tak menjadi, "manusia hanya mampu merancang, hanya Allah yang mampu tentukan". Aku redha je, dengan harapan aku mungkin dapat kawan kawan baru yang sememangnya sporting and best. Tup tup, Alhamdulillah, dapat yang sememangnya best lah. Kih kih kih. Aku pun masuk ke dalam bilik aku, my new sweet home for the next whole year. Takut? Memang lah, tempat baru kan? Tapi aku tabahkan hati, betulkan niat dan kuatkan azam aku untuk habiskan pengajian aku di sini.


    Petang tuh, pukul 2.30 petang. Kami diarahkan untuk berkumpul di tingkat bawah untuk mulakan MDS (minggu destini siswa). Panas gila kott haritu kan. Tapi aku buat derk je sebab aku kat sini bukan nak selesa tapi untuk mengutip ilmu. ** Alahai, macam nerd pulak kan? Kami ke PI (pusat Islam) untuk solat asar. Kalau aku ingat lah kan, ade ceramah sikit sikit kot. Entah. Dah tak ingat. XDD. Dowg ckp pendaftaran esok. Bukan hari ni. Nasib aku dah tahu, sebab aku dah check jadual akademik benda alah tu kan. Nasib...


   Yang paling tak boleh tahan kan? Waktu kami kena jerit dengan akak akak and abang abang PM. Memang suka lah kena marah. **Jangan marah e akak and abang semua. Aku baru nak makan, "Cepat siswi, pantas, berlari!" Hah. Memang siot lah sku cakap. Tahap memang tak boleh nak belah. Tapi bukannya aku benci MDS atau PM sekalian, cuma keadaan tu je yang memang menyakitkan hati sikit kan? Tapi overall, memang best. Banyak jugak yang aku belajar. Aku hargai semua pengorbanan PM PM semua. Tak tidur kott dowg kan? Kami dapat jugak tidur 2-3 jam. Dowg sampai hilang suara lah. Marah marah semua, aku tengok ada yang nak demam pun ada, tapi masih lagi buat tugas dowg kan. Memang aku respect lah sama PM sekalian.
   Masa last day of MDS, memang aku tersangat lah bersemangat. Maklumlah, dah nak habis, sape yang tak suka kan? Bila dah habis semua, Ya Allah, memang lah tahap alam aku punya lega tuh.


XDDD------ Kalau ada yang nak masuk UiTM ni, kena lah bersedia e untuk MDS. Jangan banyak complain, buat aje. Tak susah mane pun.

Berubah, Susah.

Benar kata seorang sahabatku. Untuk berubah dari tanpa arah memang ternyata susah tetapi tak bermakna yang ianya mustahil. Usaha akan membawa hasil.


Itulah kata kata yang aku pegang sekarang. Hati ingin berubah tetapi tidak akan tercapai jika akal tidak menerima. Mungkin aku mula dengan cara yang berbeza. Lain orang, lain caranya. Aku tidak berbangga, cuma bersyukur kerana akhirnya Allah memberi petunjuk kepada aku yang jahil ini. Orang memulakan dengan menutup aurat. Tetapi aku mula dengan mendirikan sembahyang lima waktu yang wajib yang selama ini aku abaikan. Kadang kadang solat, kadang kadang tidak kerana sikap aku yang mengikut hati dan perasaan, dengar kata kata syaitan. Kini aku berazam untuk melengkapkan dahulu solatku. Bukan mahu memberontak tetapi bagiku, dengan cara itu aku lebih memahami agamaku dan peraturan peraturannya dengan lebih mendalam dan ikhlas.


Hari itu ada ramai orang mempersoalkan penutupan aurat. Truth be told, aku malu dengan diri aku sekarang. Aku merasa sangat hina. Ya. Sememangnya itu yang patut aku rasakan. Aku hina di sisi Allah s.w.t tetapi mulia di sisi syaitan dan iblis. Kata kata mereka menyedarkan aku walaupun pada mulanya aku merasa marah, geram, benci. Tetapi hati aku masih lagi merasa sakit. Terpinga pinga aku mencari jawapan kepada perasaan yang aku sendiri tidak tahu punca. Kemudian terdetik di hatiku, hati aku sedar yang diri aku sekarang berada dalam keadaan hina. Betapa jahilnya aku selama ini. Betapa terpesongnya aku selama ini. Tapi untuk berubah dalam sekelip mata bagiku mustahil. Jadi, aku capai kain telekung ku selepas aku sempurnakan wuduk aku. Mulanya aku solat, aku sedih. Selepas selesai aku solat, air mata aku tak dapat aku bendung lagi. Air mata aku mengalir dengan deras, hati aku melaung kesakitan. Aku bingung mengapa aku begitu sedih. Aku tahu kenapa. Aku sedar.


Daripada pengalaman itu, aku mula berazam untuk berubah, sedikit demi sedikit. Aku mohon doa untuk Allah perkuatkan hati ini untuk terus dengan keazaman aku. Tidak aku mahu untuk kembali seperti dahulu, hati mudah goyah, ingin berubah tetapi hanya sementara. Mungkin ada yang pandang serong terhadap aku. Aku faham. 


Aku cuma manusia biasa yang hanyut dalam keseronokan dunia. Ingin aku berubah dalam sekelip mata tetapi tak mampu. Jadi aku ingin mengambil satu langkah demi satu langkah hingga berjaya.


Doakan aku ya?


Salam...

Fantasy:: Chapter 7.1

Threat

Staring outside of the window, Kaoru is thinking of the encounter with the mysterious informer the other night. “You’d think that your father had made a mistake by banishing your little sister away, but even you yourself don’t know why he did that. You were all assuming on the reason why he did so. Hahaha. Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic! Why don’t you ask your father about it? Huh? Hahahaha!”

‘What did he mean by not knowing the truth? Ayumu is the key to everything?’, sighing Kaoru decided to go over to a small room near his bed. Entering he tries to find a portrait of the whole family before Shin was kidnapped and his mother were killed. Staring at the picture, he was thinking about what the mysterious informer had said to him. ‘We were such a happy family. Father was not a straight man like that and no way would he have banished Ayumu just like that. Mother, what is father hiding from us all these years?’ he thought to himself while putting the family portrait on his bed. Slumming his body on the bed, he remembers something. ‘The book that father gave to me last time he summoned me!’ he said to himself. Realizing that the book is on his computer table, he heads there as quickly as possible and just slams his butt on the chair. The whole table is shaking really hard and the table lamp almost falls on the ground. Grabbing the book that was stored away on one of his boxes, he starts to open the book and reads into it intensely.

Slipping onto one page after another, his face starts to become weird and his breath gradually increasing in heaviness. After a few minutes, he discovers the most important and shocking part of the entire truth that he’s been looking for. ‘She’s right. All I have to do was to ask my father about It.’ muttering all to himself while slipping onto other pages. When he reaches a page that is different, he is afraid to open other pages. Pondering in his mind whether he should continue reading it, he opens up another shocking page. Finding the actual truth about Ayumu and her hidden powers, his face starts to turn dark and his eyes are widening.

He gets up from the chair harshly and makes a run downstairs. Passing one of the servants like that wind, the servant wondered what is going on with him. He ignores everyone that he encounters at that time and run straight to the dining room finding his father. He punches the door open and shouts his father’s name.

“Lord Hidekazu! Father! Please, tell me the whole truth! It can’t be! Please!” shout in shock. Lord Hidekazu can only reply, “Please, have a sit, my son. Let’s have dinner before we go into any neither discussions nor explanations.” Kaoru does not have any patience left in him, “No, father. This matter cannot be put on hold anymore. If you please, father.” Hidekazu sighs and stands up, “Very well. We’ll discuss this in my chamber.” On that last words that Hidekazu utters, they both make their way to one of the chambers in the mansion, which this one belongs to Hidekazu.

To be continued

Persiapan ke UiTM

Mintak maaf banyak banyak lah stalkers semua? Aku jadi malas nak sambung tulis novel aku tuh. Bukan sebab apa, cuma tengah tergila gilakan Bleach sekarang. LOL XDDD. Bila dah mula tergila gilakan sesuatu tu, mulalah aku malas nak buat benda yang lain walaupun amat lah penting sangat. Macam-------->>>>
Hehehe. Satu haram apa dokumen pun belum aku siapkan untuk ke UiTM lagi. Mak aiii!! Kenapalah pemalas benor aku kan? Ha. Sebab aku dah pernah pergi Kolej kot. Bagi aku masa aku pergi tu tak ada apa apa pun yang mampu membuat hati aku melonjak kegembiraan. Bosan lah tuh agaknya? Kan? Tup Tup. Jap.


**nasihat::: Janganlah terlalu mengharapkan nak berseronok and enjoy tahu? Pergi untuk belajar, kalau tak, hampeh, semuanya mesti gua gerenti tak menjadi dooerrrs. Percaya lah!


Ok. Sambung. Nak dijadikan cerita pulak, surat kelahiran bapak aku pulak hilang. Tulah, sebab terlampau malas sangat, aku lupa yang surat kelahiran diperlukan. Hehe. Tapi mak aku jugaklah yang membuat segala persiapan yang berkenaan semua segala benda benda tu. hehe.


** Malas tahap alam gila kot dia nih?


Hahaha. Saya memang terima semua kritikan anda. Tapi harap harap lah lepas aku enter UiTM ni, aku akan berubah. Insyaallah. Akan ku cuba.


So that's it for now. Ja ne!
Salam.

Real Steel :: A Must Watched

A Must Watched Movie

Tujuan aku ke panggung wayang hari ini cuma nak pergi menonton cerita Don't Be Afraid of The Dark. Tetapi maklumlah aku ni kadang kadang memang dasar misinformed memanjang. So, nak jadi cerita tak keluar lagi pun filem tuh. Disebabkan ketagihan aku yang perlu diubati dengan menonton wayang ni, aku dan kakak kesayangan aku buat keputusan nak tengok filem Real Steel.

And!!!!

BOOOM!!! Meang dasar best tahap alam doersss sekalian. Cerita yang akan aku cadangkan sekarang adalah filem Real Steel.

Kisahnya tentang seorang bekas peninju dan anaknya. Tahun berapa aku pun dah tak ingat. Hilang habis ingatan sebab terlalu melampau best. LOL XDD. Waktu itu, semua orang dah memang pakai robot. Mula mula hanya untuk kegunaan or something like that. Tapi lama lama, digunakan untuk bertinju sebab kehendak orang ramai. Orang nak tengok keganasan, so jadiklah WRB. Perlawanan dunia robot sekalian.

**Ye, aku sedar yang aku hanya reka nama dalam bahasa melayu. 

Note:: Aku tak bodohlah bengap. Aku yang tulis.

Anak dan ayah memang dasar sama. Tak ubah langsung perangai. Bapak borek, anak rintik. Hah. Degil benor anak dia tu. Nak jugak gunakan robot dia masuk perlawanan sampaikan hampir menang kejuaraan dengan robotnya yang buruk tu, Atom. LOL XDD

So, basically. Filem tu a must watch. So, kalau ada hati nak tengok, dipersilakan banyak. Terima Kasih yeww.

Salam.

Fantasy:: Chapter #6

The First Day of School

                Early in the morning, the servants are busy preparing breakfast. The gardeners are busy cleaning up the yard. The chefs are busy cooking. They are all very focused on doing their jobs. This is an every ordinary day for the Kleins mansion’s life. Everybody is busy.

A loud knock on Ayumu’s door wakes her up from her dead slumber. ‘Um. Um. My lady Ayumu, are you awake?’. Ayumu wakes up in shock almost having a heart attack. She still does not answers the voice at the door. She gets up and scratches her head while walking towards the dressing table. She looks into the mirror and screamed. ‘AAAAAAAA!!!!!’ The voice at the door is dumbfounded and decided to rush into her room. ‘What happened, Princess?’ Ayumu is shocked by the fact that a servant entered her room without permission and is very angry with it. ‘Who lets you in? Do you have no respect for me at all? And it’s nothing. I just saw my face in the mirror and there was a bug on my face the size of your stupid pimple.’ The servant answers, ‘ I’m very sorry, Milady. I just wanted to know whether you were awake or not. I’ll take my leave now.’ The servant backs away and heads out of Ayumu’s room. Before the servant could pass the door, Ayumu interrupts, ‘Wait, what did you came here for? I won’t believe what you said earlier.’ The servant replies, ‘Um. Lord Hidekazu is waiting for you in the dining room. He told me to come and get you. That’s all, Milady.’ Sighing, Ayumu says, ‘I’ll have my breakfast at school. Let him know that. You may go now.’ The servant interrupts, ‘But, Milady. Lord Hidekazu insists on having you with him for breakfast. Moreover, I think you should have breakfast with your father at least before you head to school.’ Ayumu gets irritated by the servant’s babbling, ‘Who the HELL are you to tell me what to do? Am I not your mistress in this mansion? And what I do with my FATHER doesn’t concern you. Or nor does it concern my Father. So, if you may, please leave my room now. I have to get ready for school.’ The servant walks away slowly with disappointment. The servant is interrupted again, ‘Wait. Is Rikuo here?’ The servant does not answer but just simply nods in telling her yes. Ayumu turns away, ‘Would you please ask my father to get me my own ride? And tell him I won’t be needing a driver to send me to school. Oh, and I’ll be choosing my ride. I’ll let him know when I’ve picked my choice. For today only, I’ll use Kaoru’s bike to school. That will be all. You may leave.’ With that last command, the servant leaves her room and heads downstairs to the dining room.

Heading to the dining room, Miyuki just woke up with a very cheerful mood and greets the servant, ‘Hey! Ohaiyou!’. The servant replies with sadness in her voice, ’Ohaiyou, Miyuki-sama.’ Miyuki is surprised with her response.  Thinking that something might have happened, she asks the servant, ‘Ne, why do you look so sad? Did something happen?’ The servant does not answer her but simply shakes her head in a no gesture and walks away. Miyuki is very worried but then she finally realizes that the servant just came out from Ayumu’s room. ‘No wonder she is in a bad mood. Hmm. Ayumu is very good in making people around her upset.’ Uttering those last words, she heads downstairs as well to the dining room.

Just after a few minutes after Miyuki heads downstairs, Rikuo comes out from his room and walks towards Ayumu’s room. ‘Wonder if she is awake?’. He knocks softly on her door, ‘Mika? You awake?’. He can hear footsteps walking towards the door. Without a warning, Ayumu swings open the door, ‘Yo. Hai. I’m awake. Tsup?’ Rikuo was startled by her and gives out big laugh. While walking towards her closet, she can hear Rikuo’s laugh.

Ayumu: What’s so funny?

Rikuo: Really. You are.

Ayumu: It’s nice hearing you laugh so hard. Although for the fact that I’m the subject here.

Rikuo: Aww. Come on. Lighten up. I mean, you still haven’t changed much anyways. Swinging the door open like a fricking head banger or something. You gotta love that nee-chan.

Ayumu: HA HA HA. Laugh all you want, but…shouldn’t you get ready for school?

Rikuo: I am ready. What the heck are you talking about?

Ayumu: Nothing. Just that, you ain’t wearing the school uniform.

Rikuo: Huh! Hahahahaha! Again with the frickin joke sis. I’m wearing overcoats on top. It’s freezing cold out there. Didn’t you realize?

Ayumu: Oh. I thought you were gonna have breakfast with Father before you head to school.

Rikuo: Iie. Nah. Having breakfast with little miss I’m so happy every day ain’t really my fav thing to be doing. I’ll just stop by at a restaurant nearby later. What about you? Taking up the offer of having breakfast in the famous Klein’s mansion?

Ayumu: Good one. Haha. Nope. I was gonna head to school and maybe eat at the cafeteria or something.

Rikuo: Perfect. I was gonna ask you to tag along to school with me. We could stop by at a café near school.

Ayumu: Yea? Well, sure. But, I’m taking Kaoru’s bike. You think you’re up to it?

Rikuo: Kaoru’s bike? You sure you know how to ride one?

Ayumu: Are trying to take your own life?

Rikuo: Hahaha! Ok,ok. I’ll be waiting downstairs.

Ayumu: Hai, hai. Go, now!

Unfortunately it was all his imagination. The actual conversation does not go that way. It is totally different from what he had imagined. ‘Hmph. If it were actually true. I truly miss you Sis.’

When Rikuo knocks on Ayumu’s door, she comes to the door and turns the door knob gently. She swings open the door gently and looks up to see who knocked on her door. ‘Oh. It’s you.’ Her face seems upset and unhappy, unlike what he had imagined. ‘I wished that’s reality’ he thought to himself.

Rikuo: Hey. You okay?

Ayumu: Hmm? Ah. Yea. Yea. (walks to the dressing table)

Rikuo: You gonna have breakfast here?

Ayumu: No. I was thinking skipping breakfast and head to school straight away.

Rikuo: Alone?

Ayumu: Yea.

Rikuo: Why don’t you tag along with me? We could stop by at a café and have breakfast there.

Ayumu: I’m sorry but Kaoru told me to get to school early to get the school uniform and everything.

Rikuo: ……

Ayumu: Gomen ne. Maybe some other time. Ja ne. I’ll be leaving now.

Rikuo watches Ayumu leaves the room slowly and finally he decided to walk downstairs. He sits down on one of the luxurious looking couch in the living room and puts on his shoes. He is thinking to himself, ‘Why have you become like that? We were so close before. Now, it seems that you are so far away from me, Mika.’ With that last thought, he heads outside where the driver has been waiting for him for the past half an hour. He takes one last look at the mansion and gets in the car.

Ayumu heads to the garage at the backyard to get Kaoru’s old bike. While she is getting the bike, Hidekazu decided to show up to greet his daughter.

Hidekazu: What’s with getting your own ride thing?

Ayumu: I just don’t wanna be sent to school. If you can’t provide one, then I’ll just take the bus or train.

Hidekazu: No. that’s not what I meant.

Ayumu: Then?

Hidekazu: Hmm. Alright. I’ll send a servant to accompany you to get your ride this very evening.

Ayumu: Thank you, father. I appreciate it. I’ll take my leave now.

Hidekazu: Wait.

Ayumu: Yes?

Hidekazu: Have you seen Kaoru anywhere? I haven’t seen him all morning.

Ayumu: He told me that he is waiting for me at school. To settle all the stuff.

Hidekazu: Oh, yes. I did tell him to do that.

Ayumu: Anything else?

Hidekazu: Yes. Please keep an eye for Rikuo. He can’t get into anymore troubles. He is on the edge of expulsion.

Ayumu: I will father. I’ll be leaving now. Goodbye.

Hidekazu: Yes.  Goodbye. Take care of yourself.

With that, Ayumu rides away on her brother’s motorcycle. Her father watches her as she leaves the front gate of the mansion. After that, he leaves the front yard and heads upstairs.

After a few minutes, Ayumu finally arrives at the school. Once she enters the school, all eyes are on her and do not budge. All the students there thought that she was a guy, a very cool guy. But to their disappointment, she is a female. But it does not change the fact that all eyes were on her that day. So she takes off her helmet and walks into the school hall without the school uniforms. She can hear students and teachers are whispering to each other.

Student A: Hey. Who’s that?

Student B: I don’t know. Haven’t seen her around. By the look of that, she can’t be a student here.

Student C: Ya’ think so?

Students A, B, C: Hahahaha.

Student D: I heard that she is close with Rikuo Klein.

Student A: Whaa---?? Seriously? How the heck is a girl like that get close to the most popular guy in school?

Student E: Hey guys. Well, I heard that she is one of the family members of the Klein tribe.

Student C: No kidding. Wai--!! So she’s a student here?

Student E: Yea. I heard that she just moves from United States. She was studying overseas for a few years before she came back. And---

Students: And what???

Student E: Well, I heard that she came back out of her father’s orders.

Student A: No way. Like a command kind of way?

Student B: Yikes. That gives me the creeps.

Student C: yea, totally.

Teacher A: Hey. Isn’t that the student that you were talking about?

Teacher B: (spits out coffee) Where, where!?

Teacher C: There. Sheesh! Do you have to spray it?

Teacher A: Well?

Teacher B: Yea. That’s her. The one and only Ayumu Klein.

Teacher C: Wow. The whole Klein tribe is in this school. The school’s gonna get so much publicity.

Teacher A: yea, great for the principal.

Teachers: Hahahaha.

Ayumu enters the school office to meet up with her brother, Kaoru. She has been irritated by all of the gossiping worms around the school. She can’t believe that even the teachers are just the same as the students. Kaoru greets her because she seems like she is restless.

Kaoru: Yo. You look tired.

Ayumu: Try going out there.

Kaoru: Haha. Gotta get used to it lil sis.

Ayumu: As if.

Kaoru: Here, Your school uniform and everything. The school’s counselor will guide you and give you anything you need. I have to go now.

Ayumu: Wait.

Kaoru: Yea?

Ayumu: Where’s Rikuo’s class?

Kaoru: Hm. I think he’s at 3-1. Why?

Ayumu: Nothing. I just wondered.

Kaoru: Oh, ok. To think of it. It’s the same as your class. Well, good luck. See you at home.

Ayumu: Ah. Yea. See ya.

‘We’re in the same class? Maybe we can be like before again.’ After that, Ayumu heads to the changing room and change into the school uniform. The school counselor takes her to her class. When she is introduced to the whole class, the boys are very intimidated by her. They are all saying that she is very beautiful but have very cold eyes.

‘How would this year turn out to be? Hmm. I’ll just have to know the hard way.’

Wahaha.

Well, since I'm at my sister house and i've got nothing better to do. I'm gonna continue writing chapter 6 tonight and maybe finishes it by tomorrow and I said, MAYBE. yea. Being here is so damn boring cause it aint my house and I don't get to watch my cabel. Only normal TV. Talk about bored to death. Wahaha. Well. Hope you like it. C'ya!

Fantasy:: Chapter #5

The Encounter

While his family is having dinner, Kaoru goes out to meet this mystery informer that sent him an email earlier. He heads out to the bus stop not far away from the mansion. While waiting there, he remembers what his father told him when he was summoned. He just can't believe his ears when his father said those things. It was like it was a nightmare. "But I'll get some answers tonight. I'm sure of it."

His lamentation is awaken by the sound of the bus driver's voice, "Hey! Are you coming or what!?" Kaoru shakes his head as if he were woken up from a long sleep and replies, "Ah, yes yes!" Getting on the bus, he turns towards the bus driver and apologizes. The bus driver just nods and told him to get a seat or otherwise he would fall all over the bus when the bus starts to move.

After half an hour, he finally arrives at a cafe downtown called 'Rising Moon'. It was more like a private club rather than a cafe actually. Full of rich people from all over the city. He is rather surprised by the look of the 'cafe'. It seems different than what he actually expected it would be. Nevertheless, he heads in without hesitation.

A man waves at him at the counter to head there. He didn't wave wave back, instead, he nods and makes his way over there. The man at the counter told him that a guy left a message to tell Kaoru to meet him at the back alley. But when Kaoru asks the man at the counter why, he only replies, 'I'm sorry, but I don't know.' Dissapointed by the negative reply, he heads over to one of the tables and sits down. He starts to wonder why meet at the back alley and not here. It just seems too weird to be meeting at a place like that. Pondering that in his mind, he calls a waiter and ordered some coffee. 'Waiter! Um, hi. Can I get a double expresso please?'. The waiter nods and walks away. Kaoru decided to send a friend of his an email. He takes out his phone and typed something and sends it real quick.

After sipping the coffee couple of times, his phone rings. It is a reply from his friend.

'I think you shouldn't go over there. It seems too suspicious. Moreover, you can find out yourself by asking your father. Going against your father does not sounds like good thing. He is Lord Klein after all. I'm just giving you suggestions. It's up to you to make up your own mind.' End of text.

After reading the email, he decided to give his friend a call.

Kaoru: Yo. Ya free?

Friend: Thought you'd never ask. Haha.

Ending his call, he heads over to the counter and paid the bills. The man at the counter asks him a very suspicious question, 'Umm. I see you haven't gone to meet your friend at the back alley. Is everything okay?'. Kaoru replies, 'Nah. I'm just taking it easy. Your coffee here is very good. Here's a tip.' Kaoru then walks away towards the entrance while thinking that it's very suspicious for him to be asked like that. He turns around and stares at the man at the counter hoping that he would make out of it as something. Figuring that it is just some stupid move to be made, he heads outside. A deep, big voice startled him, 'Yo. Been here often?'

He turns around and sees that it's his friend, Ryuu, he is very irritated. 

Kaoru: Tch. It's you. Could you been more suspicious?

Ryuu: Haha. Can't believe it that the Kaoru I know would be scared by a little trivial thing like this. Now, that's entertainment. LOL.

Kaoru: Laugh all you want but I'm getting suspicious. He would never asks to meet up at the back alley.

Ryuu: Think something bad might've happen to him?

Kaoru: There's only one way to find out. Up to it?

Ryuu: Y'knw I'm always up to it. Tch.

After ending the conversation, both of them head to the back of the alley where the mysterious informer asks to meet.

On the other side of the town, Rikuo Klein is walking aimlessly through the city of Tokyo. Feeling irritated by his father, he feels a little guilty towards his twin sister, Ayumu. 'I'm sorry Mika.' On that thought he ponders over himself to make an atonement when he first saw Ayumu again. 'Seems like no one's here. Yet.' He enters a room that seems to  be his. He takes a few clothes and stuff it into a backpack. Before he heads out, he noticed a picture of his lost brother and his dead mother. He walks towards the picture. ' Mom, Shin. I'm very confused right now. I don't know what to do. Ayumu is back by the way. That makes a little out of my day today. But still. Father...' sighing, he heads out of the dorm. 

A girl comes up to Rikuo and starts to ask him, 'Rikuo is that you?'. Rikuo is very surprised and replies, 'Who are you? And what are you doing here? Only students can enter this place.' The girl replies, 'It's me, Aoi. Umm. Can we go sit somewhere and talk for a bit?' Rikuo looks at his watch and decided to agree to her request. So, they make their way to a near by park. Rikuo sits on the swing and Aoi sits on the see-saw. Aoi is very nervous and starts the conversation.

Aoi: Um. Um. What were you doing back at the dorm? I thought you went home.

Rikuo: Ah, I was getting my clothes. And....I forgot a few important stuff.

Aoi: Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry.

Rikuo: It's okay. What about you? What WERE you doing back at the dorm? You don't even live there.

Aoi: Umm. Uhhh. I-I-I was waiting for you.

Rikuo: Don't make me laugh Aoi. It doesn't make sense. Now, I get it if you don't wanna tell but what's the point of 'talking a bit'. What do you want?

Aoi: Urgh! It's not that I don't wanna tell and--and why can't you be a bit more kind? It's always like this with you. No one can ever get close to you. Not even me! Your own childhood friend!

Rikuo: I'm sorry. It's been a very bad day today.

Aoi: Uhh. It's ok. But Maybe you should give em a chance.

Rikuo: Them? Who are they?

Aoi: You didn't even listen to me. Huh. I give up.

Rikuo: What did you say? I'm sorry for being an ass today or when ever but my family ain't loving like yours so if you ain't happy with it, just beat it. Leave my back alone.

Rikuo gets up and starts to walk away but Aoi stops him.

Aoi: I'm sorry Rikuo but, but... Just let me be close to you more. Tell me all your frustrations and sadness. You can't bear all of this alone. I-I-I want to be there for you!

Rikuo: Why!? I just don't get it. It ain't your stuff to worry about. So why?

Aoi: I-I-I LOVE YOU! Rikuo, I love you.

Rikuo is shocked hearing that from Aoi, his childhood friend. He could not believe his ears and walks away.

Aoi: Wait! Rikuo! Wait!

Rikuo turns around and says.

Rikuo: I think you need to go home and get some rest.

Aoi is very dissapointed and tears starts rolling down on her cheeks. To add on her sadness, Rikuo just keep ignoring her and keeps walking away. 

'Huh...She seems so weird today. Love? What is love? Tch. Stupid girl.' He thought to himself. He decided to head over to the mansion as quickly as possible. When he reaches home, he sees that Kaoru, is sitting outside on the stairs looking pale and worried. He walks over and asks, ' Tsup? You look offal. What happened?' Kaoru just replies, 'Nothin. It's just not my day today.' Kaoru stands up and enters the mansion without explaining further. Rikuo thinks that is very suspicious of his brother's attitude towards him. He is usually very friendly and cheerful just like the annoying Miyuki. He decided to leave it alone and heads to the guest room.

Persoalan, Perlukah?

Macam yang tertera di atas, perlukah? Perlukah kita sentiasa nak bergaduh dan mencari salah orang lain? Perlukah kita sentiasa merasa tidak cukup dan merasa cemburu dengan kelebihan dan kesenangan orang lain? Perlukah kita sentiasa mengumpat dan mencaci orang yang kita merasa tidak suka? Perlukah? Persoalannya, perlukah?

Pernah terfikir apa yang akan terjadi bila kita mengeluarkan kata kata yang menyakitkan hatinya yang sememangnya kita lemparkan untuk melemahkan semangatnya? Pernah terfikir mungkin suatu hari nanti semua perbuatan kita itu akan berbalik kepada kita? Pernah terfikir jikalau perbuatan kita itu mungkin memusnahkan hidupnya? Atau mungkin itu yang kita inginkan? Kemusnahan hidup orang lain?

Sanggupkah kita melihat dirinya merana atas kesalahan yang tidak pernah berkaitan dengan dirinya? Sanggupkah kita menanggung dosa perbuatan kita yang tidak mungkin terampun akibat keangkuhan diri kita? Sanggupkah kita melihat anak anak, cucu cucu kita pula yang seterusnya menanggung akibat perbuatan kita itu? Sanggupkah kita?

Mampukah kita terus hidup dalam kebencian dan kesedihan? Tidakkah ingin diri itu untuk mengecapi kebahagiaan? Benar? Kita semua inginkan kebahagiaan hidup. Jadi, bertolak ansur lah dan sentiasa maaf memaafi. Bye.

Salam.

Masa Silam

Nak lupakan masa silam memang susah kalau ia ada impak terhadap diri atau hidup. Biar masa yang gembira mahu pun masa yang pedih. Tak de beza. Yang gembira susah nak dilupakan sebab membawa seribu kenangan manis. Yang pedih, membuatkan kita tak boleh nak lepaskan dan maafkan diri sendiri. Ya. Ada tujuan lah aku tulis ni. SABAR. Ha. Kan?


Masa silam aku penuh dengan kekesalan. Kerana apa?
Simple to put. Aku buang masa dengan angan angan yang tak ke mana yang hanya membawa aku ke total destruction of my life. Well. Tak delah sampai betul betul hancur. Cuma tak kesampaian aje.


Aku leka dengan fantasi percintaan monyet ala ala original a.k.a. aku ingat aku pandai sangat. Gedik. Sekarang? Padan muka. Kena lah kat batang hidung. Orang nasihat tak nak dengar. Eh, jap jap. Bukan bermakna aku terlanjur, atau pun mengandung. Cuma terlanjur obses dengan percintaan monyet yang takde tujuan je. That's all. Ha, kan? Otak biru teramat manusia ni kadang kadang. Buang jauh jauh. Cepat!


OK. Berbalik kepada cerita asal aku. Aku ni nak dikatakan lawa, TAK. Nak dikatakan comel, TAK jugak. Nak dikatakan ada rupa tu, TAK la sangat. Biasa biasa je. Kalau aku lawa macam Karina Kapoor ke, dah kau nampak aku berlari lari bagaikan nampak hantu dikejar. Ni pun TAK. So, aku hanya seorang gadis biasa yang ingin capai semua matlamat dalam hidup, jaga family yang semakin bertambah ni. Tak, aku masih belum kahwin. SIMPLE. Kan?


So. Percintaan monyet yang membuatkan aku alpa pada bumi nyata yang aku berpijak ni. Truce. Tak tipu. Aku tak lah seorang master dalam bab bab romance ni, tak juga arif dalam hal hal memikat seseorang jejaka. Jadi ku biarkan sang lelaki mengejar aku dan meng'ayat' aku. Sampai lah aku clueless tahap alam. Kalau dulu sang jejaka dia sanggup mati demi aku, bulat aje mata aku mati matian aku percaya. Naif, kan? Huh. Kan bagus kalau hidup ni disertakan sekali dengan manual yang beri kita panduan nak hadapi segala rintangan hidup dan macam mana nak lalui tanpa perlu sakit. How I wish it was that easy. Tapi, pengalaman mematangkan seseorang itu. Betul, kan?


Pengalaman aku menceritakan tentang seorang mamat A ni. Tak ensem taw pun bergaya tau pun ada ciri ciri yang mampu bersaing dengan aku la. Tup. Memang aku tak ada hati langsung kat mamat A ni. Sikit pun tak. Nak pandang dia pun hati aku ni tak hingin tahap dewa. Orang cakap kita tak akan dapat pernah mengagak orang yang kita akan jatuh hati dengan sebenarnya. Aku setuju. 100%. Tapi dalam kes mamat A ni. Huh. Tak mungkin, No way, Hell No. Dia ini seperti devil. Paham? Devil, Satan, Monster, Creature, Evil presence. Apa apa jelah yang mampu describe dia ni.


Cerita ni luar sikit dari kepercayaan semua orang. Mungkin ada yang tak mampu untuk menerimanya tetapi ini kisah benar. Terjadi pada aku. Sumpah. Kalau tak percaya, tak apa, aku bukannya tulis ni nak meyakinkan orang lain, just simply letting out my feelings. 


Mula mula aku jumpa dia. OMG. Bau badan dia yang busuk. Muka yang memang 'Tak boleh blah'. Perangai yang memang gedik dan macam monyet/kera. Pakaian yang memang tak kemas langsung. Macam orang yang menganggur tidur tepi jalan. Serius. Aku tak tipu. Bukan mengutuk. Sekadar kenyataan. Memang not my type at all. Entah macam mana aku boleh terpikat dengan dia. Well, here goes.


Aku seorang yang amat bongkak and degil. Tak pernah pedulikan orang lain dan juga sadis. Mulut boleh tahan juga lah. Tapi bukan bab bab mengumpat, bab bab pertahankan apa yang aku percaya. Mamat A ni, datang dalam kelas kawan aku satu hari ni. Dia juga kawan kepada bekas bf kawan aku yang sorang lagi tu. Bekas bf kawan aku tuh, memang ada rupa tapi aku menyampah tengok muka dia. Mungkin sebab he's a playa from another planet. Tiba tiba mamat A ni datang terus sapa aku. Hi. Dalam hati aku, 'Ceh. Sapa dia ni tetiba hi hi kat aku. Ingat dia sapa? Nyampah aku.' Ye ye, aku memang sombong, angkuh. Tak payah nak kasi tau. 


So. Masa tu aku masih lagi 'kapel' dengan mamat B ni. Jadi tak lah dilayan mamat A tu. Tapi lepas 3 bulan, aku putus dengan mamat B. Masa tu memang frust menonggeng lah. Kan? Kanak kanak ribena. OK. Jadi dah mamat A ni terhegeh hegeh sangat. Aku pun kawan jelah dengan dia cuba nak lupakan mamat B tadi. Notation:: Wrong move. Aku salan\h. Patutnya aku tak patut kawan dengan sesapa lagi waktu tu. So. We start to hang out. Keluar dating unofficially. Dan lama lama kami 'kapel'. Tapi aku tak pernah setuju. Mamat A tu yang terang terang perasan ya amat. Tapi entah kenapa aku biarkan je kali ni. Dan nak dijadikan cerita lah sampai aku tak boleh nak lupakan dia walau pun sesaat. Pulak? Kan? 


Lama lama. Aku sampai tak boleh berpisah langsung dengan dia. Rasa macam nak lari pergi tidur rumah dia pun ada. Alhamdulillah lah tak jadi sampai macam tu. Minta simpang. Semakin lama kami berkawan, semakin berani dia minta enset yang baru aku beli, motor yang baru beli. Dia beri alasan yang dia tak boleh nak mesej atau call sebab enset dia rosak dan dia tak mampu nak beli. Motor bukan senang senang aku beri pun. Tapi sebab motor BAPAK dia tu selalu rosak dan malangnya aku mula selalu sangat sakit sampai tak boleh nak bawa motor. Macam alasan yang aku reka je kan? Terpulang lah nak percaya ke tak. So.


So. Sampai dah teruk. Kami dah habis SPM. Kami selalu bergaduh sebab aku selalu minta balik enset n motor aku. Dan jawapan dia,'Hang ni asyik salahkan aku ja. Takpelah, saya tak boleh nak jumpa awak dah sebab motor ayah rosak. Saya tak boleh nak call sebab ayah takde duit nak belikan enset baru.' Bullshit! Memang aku terpedaya. Aku memang tak nak beri langsung tapi, kerana keangauan tahap melampau sampaikan aku menangis tiap tiap malam sebab tu aku beri juga.


WAIT. Pernah tengok cerita Khurafat? Kan?


Sebenarnya cerita aku sama macam cerita tu. Benar. 100%. Tak lah aku ni pergi disko. Tak lah macam tu. Tapi hakikatnya macam tu lah. Tak bukan sebab cerita tu aku nak mereka cerita ni. Cerita aku ni berlaku way before cerita tu iklan kat tv. OK. 


Kakak kesayangan aku pun menghadapi nasib yang sama 12 tahun yang lalu. selepas 10 tahun kemudian baru Tuhan buka hatinya dan izinkan dia lepas dari genggaman syaitan tu. So. Kakak aku lah yang fes sekali perasan akan perubahan diri aku. So. Dia juga lah yang bawa aku pergi berubat. Thanks. Tanpa usaha kakak aku, tak mungkin aku akan kembali seperti sekarang. Sebab aku cerita ni nak bukakan mata kau, kau dan kau. Benda ini memang terjadi. Dah berpuluhan tahun memakan hidup family aku. Tapi kami tetap hepi. Sebab kami sentiasa bersabar. 


Berbalik pada cerita aku. Ye. Mamat A tu, telah gunakan pelbagai sihir. Makan, sapu minyak, jampi.
Aku ambil masa selama 5 bulan untuk pulih sepenuhnya. Dan sekarang pun masih lagi dalam proses pemulihan. Jadi, dengan ini, aku bukan nak minta simpati tetapi ingin mengingatkan gadis gadis yang di luar sana, beringatlah dan sentiasa berdoa kepada Tuhan memohon perlindungan. Insyaallah, akan dilindungi-Nya.

Every time that I hear a song that is being played by piano, I can't help but to listen to it more intentively than others. I just can't help it, major CANNOT help it. It's like my turf is going on here. I just love it. MAJORLY. A friend of mine asked me about few days ago, " Dude, you're like single for a very long time this time, what's going on? Don't tell me that you got hurt or just got out of a bad relationship. We both know that it seriously can't happen to YOU. I'm just saying." I was like, dude why is it wrong for me to not like go out with anybody?

Is it seriously that WRONG? I guess being the girl that always go out on a date or just hang out with an actual straight dude makes me seem weird, HAHA. Irony kicks in everybody.

Right now, I just don't see the point of going out with anybody. That's it, nothing serious. Like I'm gonna tell you guys about it anyways. (LOL) Or more like interesting guys to hang with, just for that reason I've been keeping to myself since the last 3 to 4 months, a record for a wild girl like me. Or maybe that it's just that I've grown up a bit. The fact that I can at least make a sensible decisions for once in my life. YEHOO!

I just want to see the world and fall in love with what I do. I just want to see the thing that made me, ME again. I know that if I go travelling, I know that I'm gonna find it again. Love for the world and food, especially food.

There is really no exact explanation for why I'm just the way I am right now. It's still a mystery and I like it that way. Let it be just the way that it was destined to be.

P.S.:: I think I'm gonna post about my secret crush later, If only I feel like it.

Piano

So since I've started to learn playing the piano, there have been multiple pleasant and unpleasant feelings that overwhelms me. I got to admit it, it ain't easy when it comes to playing the piano. It has been a great challenge. To tell you the truth, I kind of hate the fact that I have to try really hard just to be able to play a piece. But at the end of the day, it was all worth it. I never had to work really hard, things just come to me naturally, easy. Yea, it's a freaking fairy tale but it's how I've been learning. I didn't need to work hard at all. I just have to understand it and just kind of learn it by myself.


Well, till now, my goal is to reach grade 2 in two weeks, and y'knw what? I think it's possible cause I have been able to play all the songs in grade 1 range already. So, the class is on Thursday and can't wait to see the results of my practice hours. YAY!

Opportunity

Finally, I got into the college I've always wanted to get in. I'm wondering whether this would be a good choice for me. Still scared the hell out of me after the latest experience of going to college. Hated it bur it's the only place I could ever start over. Right now I'm trying to make the best out of my time studying. I figured that maybe this time I would ever replace all of the lost time that I waste because I haven't had any idea of going forward or taking things seriously.

So I guess, that's it for now..

Future, To Know or Not To Know?

To know where you are heading in this life is an indeed disadvantage.

Where is the fun in the ride when you already know the adventures in it.

There is no room for a make-over when it is already perfect.

No more sadness, dissapointment and anger.

Where is the fun in that?

Like a riding a roller coaster, we know what's up ahead but never know what would happen,

Or how it would make you feel.

That's why we're all addicted into riding it.

'Cause, it's fun knowing all those unknown experiences.

Don't you agree?